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The Song You Never Wanted Me to Record

from Melancholonoise [noise / dsbm / experimental] by Vibrant Life

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lyrics

Trapped in a mire of life
Everyone leaves, including You
Pouring the blackness in my soul
I died and You left me there
And it's not for want of trying
I ask for guidance and I still choke
You promise yet I cry alone
Am I in Your kingdom or not?
I feel like I'm failing, I am

I was born in 2014. You rescued me with arms of light and strength. Clothed in Your armor, I found a strength I never knew I had. I rode into battle at once for Your name and glory, and fired off every form of ammunition I had. In 2015, I felt the darkness and asked for Your help. I sank into depression. 2016, I felt utterly lost and asked for answers. You only intervened when I became sick and suicidal. In 2017 I finally found the answers for which I asked in 2016. In 2018 I was ready to stand back up only to be knocked down by grief and loss. And now today, the 11th of March 2019, You do the same again. I believe in You, Your Son, and the Advocate. I can do nothing else, I have seen the truth with my own eyes. But more and more, I feel You don't love me, like this was all a joke. As if it were Your will all along to bring me back down, yet You promise this is not the case. I plead, and don't know what to do. My prayers go unanswered. If you want me, why do you only push me away? I want You. If You want me to spread the Gospel, why do You stop me so many times when I get the chance? Why, Lord?

I don't know what else to say, what else to do
Deep down You know I want to serve You
My feet are slipping into the grave
And You are the only one left who can save
You know I am willing, to sacrifice all
Yet doing the opposite always breaks my fall
You know that I seek You; let me hear Your voice
You know I'm cynical, but don't want that choice
To leave this all behind, to fall in the dark
Where is the light of that first shining spark?
Will sickness and grieving consume all of me?
Or will I step in Your kingdom in love and mercy?

JESUS WEPT

credits

from Melancholonoise [noise / dsbm / experimental], released May 17, 2021

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Annihilated Pentagram Productions

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Unblack label. Intended to be a refuge for dark, arcane souls. Scorch the night with the dark shining candle of Christ's light. Crush the devil. -l-

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Rom 1:20
1 Cor 9:22
Mark 1:15
Rev 20:10
2 Chr 6:1
Eph 6:11-18 ... more

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